50 Shades of Shrek
by Caleb's books
Summary: This is a very odd and extremely strange story of three friends Matt, Caleb and Nick in crazy world full of weird and random stuff and events. Matt becomes the personal assistant to the mysterious manager of ogre industries, and they start a romantic yet physical relationship. Caleb and Nick discover the dark secrets of Matt's new boss, and do everything that can to save him...
1. the crab and the cat

"Hay Matt!" a loud voice shouted out, "are you sleeping again?"

Instantly Matt thrust himself out of sleep to the rough voice of Mr. Crabs, "no sir, I wasn't sleeping" he quickly replied drowsily.

Mr. Crabs began to shake his large red claws in the air "boy! You can't be an employee of the Crusty Crab and sleep, if you sleep no work will get done and if non work gets done ill make no money!"

At that point the large business crab was out of breath from letting out all of his griping at one time. He quickly walked over to a massive door and knocked on it.

Suddenly a loud voice could be head from the other side of the door "oh yeah!"

Instantly a large red Kool-aid man broke through a wall next to the door.

The Kool-aid man pulled a small cup from his shirt pocked and started pouring himself into it. He then he gave the cup to the out of breath crab.

Instantly the crab drank it down desperately. When finished he looked at the Kool-aid man and began to yell again "next time you come give me a drink use the door, walls are not cheap".

The Kool-aid man just smiled and yelled out "oh yeah" then ran off through another wall.

At this point Matt was worried that he was going to get fired. Uneasily he asked "do I get to keep my job Mr. Crabs?"

Surprisingly Mr. Crabs reassuringly but his arm around Matt's shoulder and in a calm voice he said "Matt, my boy, you have no need to worry, I don't fire people over stuff like this, especially when there so much help in the work place, everything us all good between us"

Completely shocked about the temperamental crab's response he looked he took a sigh of relief and said "that great, I'm so happy I get to keep my job"

Then all of a sudden Mr. Crabs broke out laughing and said "you where thinking I was talking about you, that's to funny, I was talking about the big red buffoon that crashed through my wall"

Again surprised, but not in the previously positive way, Matt eyes went wide with shock, then he pouted and looked down to the floor in disappointment

With a little bit of hope he looked up and asked "do I get to keep my job too?" with a voice of concern.

Mr. Crabs looked at him with a big joy filled smile and replied happily "you're fired"

Later that day Matt and his good friends Caleb, Sponge-Bob Square-pants, and Patrick Starfish there favorite place to chill out at, a local bar called The Drunken Clam. all of Matt's friends remained quiet, they new that Matt was going through and let him have a bit of peace and quiet to cope with his current situation.

Suddenly it the middle of the silence there was a loud and obnoxious yell from Patrick.

Concerned for Patrick, Sponge-Bob quickly asked the large pink star "what's wrong Patrick? Are you ok?"

Patrick slowly turned his head to the talking sponge and replied "the silence was making fun off me, so I yelled at it, I think I scared it away, should I apologize when it returns?"

"If it makes you feel better, I'm sure the silence would be grateful for an apology" Sponge-Bob said reassuringly.

"Now that the silence is gone" Caleb started saying as he scooted closer to Matt "let find you a new job".

Matt just shrugged and replied "there is no other job I'd want the Crusty Crab was like a second home to me"

Caleb put an arm around Matt giving him a side hug for comfort and said "I know how you feel, remember when I got fired for burning on of the crabby paddies?"

Matt took a deep sorrowful breath and answered "yeah, I remember"

Caleb then continued "and now I've got a great job at Pear Adoption Center, and it's the best job I've ever had. I'm sure you'll find an amazing job"

Matt gave a slight smile and replied "ok, I'll try to find another job, but where do I start?"

Then out of the corner of the room an orange cat wearing large boot and a fancy looking hat spoke up and said "my boss is that head of Ogre Industries, he is looking for a new personal assistant, if you are looking for a amazing job full of opportunities I'll set you up an interview with the big green man himself"

Filled with strong hope relief Matt smiled and said "absolutely I'm interested, when can I get the interview?"

The orange cat sipped on a glass of milk for a second then replied "first thing tomorrow"


	2. the ride to an intervew

The next morning Matt was rushing to prepare him self for the interview of a lifetime. He rushed through his closet trying to find an outfit that made him appear more professional. Finally he came across an old dress shit and slacks; he hastily put them on and rushed out the door.

Once outside he saw Caleb waiting for him in an old truck.

"Hey bud, are you ready?" Caleb asked sticking his head out of the side window.

"Yeah, ready as all ever be" said as he rushed into the truck.

"Thanks for giving me a ride" Matt said with sincere appreciation.

Caleb grinned "no problem at all, it's on the way too my work, also that's what friends are for"

"Yeah" Matt added with a grin.

Suddenly there was a streak of lightning in the sky which was quickly fallowed by a mighty roar of thunder.

"Wow, I didn't notice the weather today" Matt said with concern "I should have brought something more for the weather"

"Remember, it's possible that it might not rain water" Caleb reassured his friend "like last week, one of the clouds rained kittens"

Feeling a little bit better about the situation Matt added "oh yeah, and the week before that it rained containers of cottage cheese"

"So it's possible that today it could rain anything, so lets just give it a couple seconds and find out" Caleb said reassuringly.

After a minute of waiting in suspense they saw something start to fall from the sky. once it got close enough to identify they both shouted out at once "oh my god it's raining dick!"

As they approached the entrance to Ogre Industries Matt could see the strange orange cat waiting for him.

"Go ahead and drop me off hear" Matt told Caleb.

As they came to a stop Caleb looked at Matt and reassuringly said "act positive and professional, and try not to over think the answers to any question you might receive in the interview"

Matt took a deep breath "ok, but what if I don't get the job?"

"If that happens we will figure something out, but try not to worry too much about that, I know you'll do great" Caleb replied with motivating tone.

Matt gave a slight grin "you really think so?"

Caleb smiled "I'm positive you'll do great, now go out there and get that job!" he replied with enthusiasm.

Then Matt smiled and left the truck too meet the orange cat.


	3. in front of the wall

As Matt approached the entrance to the Ogre Industries he noticed that the place was surrounded by an enormous wall that seemed like it went on forever in either direction. Not only was the wall incredibly long, but it was unnaturally high. Matt had seen a lot a crazy stuff in his life, but never anything as large and incredible as the wall surrounding the property of the mighty industry.

"Impressive, don't you think?" a voice said right next to him.

Startled, Matt jumped. Then he looked to see who had spoken to him, but saw.

"It's just me" said the voice again. Matt looked down and saw the little orange cat looking up at him. Matt felt silly; he saw the cat as he approached the property, but completely for got about him when he saw the amazing wall.

Filled with embarrassment, Matt was speechless. He new he should say something but he couldn't speak, for he was overwhelmed by the feeling of nervousness. He quickly scrambled through his brain for something to say, but all that came out of his mouth was "those were some big dick falling from the sky earlier"

Realizing what he just said, Matt began to panic. 'What were you thinking, that must have sounded completely pathetic' Matt thought to himself.

The cat just snickered, and replied "that's what she said"

Instantly, Matt felt relieved knowing that the cat had a sense of humor. Also he started feeling a bit more confident about everything. Matt then thought it probably be smart to ask another question. "I don't think I ever got your name, what might it be?"

The cat looked and his with a serious expression and said "my name is Antonio Bandar and I like cock, yum dick"

Suddenly Matt became worried, and wasn't sure what he was getting himself into. He slowly started to turn to walk away.

Then the little cat began to laugh "I'm only joking, my name is Puss in Boot, and I like mice"

Seeing that it was a joke, Matt began to laugh as well "that was a good one, you sure pulled a fast on one my"

Puss in Boot then said "we should probably get going, it's a long way to get to the top of Ogre Industries" then the cat pulled a small cell phone from his boot. He then pushed a button on it and pressed the cell to his ear.

"Hello, I'd like to get in" Puss said to whomever was on the other end of his cell.

Instantly, a large opening appeared in the wall appeared "let get going, you don't have forever and it'll be a long way till you get to were you need to be" Puss said as he slipped the little cell into his boot.

"Of course, lets get going" Matt replied.

Then the two of them walked into the opening in the mighty wall.


End file.
